Stress from generation to generation

My mom is pretty young, she got married when she was 18 and had me at 20, so I’ve always had a really young, pretty mom. She started a photography business when she was 18 years old, she loved taking pictures and in my home there were always tons of pictures and undeveloped films, so the business made sense. I remember playing in the stands of the business when I was a little girl pretending I was something people could buy and going to the lab to pick up recently developed films for clients. I love pictures and I loved my Mom’s business, but sadly a few years before digital photography hit she decided she wanted to switch to toys, she wanted to keep taking pictures but not provide Bogota with any photography needs, smart woman.

So when I was about 8 years old she took all photography items out of her stores and invested in toys. And for almost 20 years now toys have been what pay for my family’s bills. My life was quite different from my Mom’s, she loved me and my sister but she regretted not being able to have a normal 20’s, so she did everything in her power to make sure we would not have to worry about the things she had to worry. She was always running around, she was always in a hurry, even on vacation she would do the hotel’s bed and organize, its hysterical how she just could not relax.

Earlier this week my Mom had to visit the hospital, she’s been sick for a couple years now and sometimes it gets bad when she gets comfortable and doesn’t take care of herself. I called her as soon as I heard she wasn’t doing well and I asked what the doctors had said. She explained the doctors told her it is stress related and she said something like; I worked so hard so you and your sister didn’t have to stress out, I wanted you both to simply enjoy life, and now I know stress is a decision not a condition and the more I stressed the more I taught you guys to do so as well. Jo, honey you need to just relax, you stress too much, enjoy life. My Mom could have not been more right, and she did the best she could, and I truly believe her and Dad did a great job, I am not trying to boast or anything, I truly believe so.

I have been thinking about what my Mom said and how it is so important to recognize what your actions are telling. My sister and I are always in a hurry, we are always busy, and we organize hotel’s rooms just like my Mom. We thought that was normal, we never really learned to relax, the funny thing is that my Grandpa is the epitome of non relaxation, he started working at age 7 and he has not stopped since, that has been over 60 years of non stop work, by choice (he could have retired a long time ago but he enjoys working)

I owe my work ethic to my family’s approach to work, I owe them my need to be efficient, I owe them my inability to just be an spectator, and for that I am grateful. Now we have to learn to keep those things but instead of passing stress down generations, we need to teach our future kids to stop and smell the roses without working hard and doing things right.

I don’t have any kids yet, and quite frankly the idea of having any still scares me, knowing that a person will watch and learn life from me is too much of a responsibility still. I know when I do have them I will careful to pass generational blessings and cut generational curses.

The hardest thing with generational curses/blessings is to recognize them, my mom took care of that hard part for us in this case. Most times we think what we do is normal, it’s all we’ve seen. So take some time to think about your family, look at patterns, ask your parents to talk about your grandparents, as soon as you recognize a blessing strive to keep it, it’s the best kind of family “tradition” to pass down. Once you recognize a curse work hard to break it so your kids and your kid’s kids don’t have to deal with it.